I often think the world would be a better place if everyone just thought like me.
I mean being a dad would be so much easier. The house would always be tidy because toys would get put away when people stopped using them, clothes would be put away where I expected them to be, the food and meal prep would be easy because we’d all like the same food, children would be ready to go on time every morning.
The dishwasher would be stacked right, the walls would be all whites and creams, the coffee table would be empty, art would be all the same grey shades and square on the wall, our clothes would be interchangeably similar. We would always be on top of the weeds, the grass would always be well kept.
Some people may read that and nod along, others are starting to cringe. Let’s be clear, if everyone thought like me, the world might be more comfortable for me, but the benefits stop there. It would be a world far less rich, devoid of creative expression, perspective, challenge to overcome, joy and triumph. Perspective and difference provide a richness which we sometimes fail to value.
In fact, there are many researched benefits to diversity in society or in a workplace. Diversity can lead to better decision making, greater creativity, increased team learning, better team cohesion and greater adaptability to changing situations. And let’s not be too rose coloured in our perspective, diversity comes with challenges around communication, conflict and is confronting to people who are unwillingness to develop self-awareness.
But as we start talking about diversity we automatically think of work places so we need to be clear what we are in fact talking about here, because this isn’t just about physical attributes. The strengths and benefits of a diverse community exist because of the different perspectives and ways of thinking that people bring. This is called Cognitive Diversity and yes, it often comes through people who have a different ethnicity, gender, upbringing, religion etc.
The benefits of diversity are found not just in existing with those who think differently but thriving in relationships with different perspectives. It’s about being able to cultivate environments that welcome, celebrate, champion and accept different ways of thinking. Drawing out of each other the unique perspective and difference of opinions that each other holds. So, what are some of the common ways that groups or workplaces can foster diversity?
There are many ways of achieving this, some of them are systemic, around hiring practices for example and others are cultural. Some of the cultural ones involve creating safe environments for sharing new ideas, being open to feedback, developing individual self-awareness within the team and learning to asking questions.
But at some point, this needs to become personal, a group or a workplace is nothing more than a group of interconnected individuals. It’s not an abstract thing that needs to foster these attributes, it’s the individuals within the group who do. If we’re going to develop societies that have the richness that comes from different ways of thinking, we need to learn how to have a relationship with someone who has a different way of thinking. This is not just for the purpose of co-existing with others who think differently, but rather about thriving with them.
This means that in our conversations we aren’t just arguing, aiming to win or in fear of losing, rather, we’re making each other better. This means we don’t just shut down relationships because people think differently to us, but rather we resiliently retain them, despite a difference of opinion. It’s not about making everyone agree with us, but rather learning how to exist with others even when they don’t agree with us.
This is the culminating thought of this series on relationships. Recognising that relationships are important, in a world which is more complex than we give it credit for yet dealing with people who won’t always live up to our expectations, as we also fail to do, and finally, recognising that we can’t control everyone’s individual decisions, we’re left in a predicament. We’re either left searching for the perfect tribe to belong, one which is just like me, or we adopt a stance which doesn’t just allow for differences, but sees those differences as the very thing which adds richness into our lives.
This is not an encouragement to maintain unhealthy relationships, or to allow perspectives to go unchallenged. We all need to move on from some things, and we all need to be challenged. This is about building more resilient relationships. Relationships that value the connection and the investment in each other’s lives. Relationships which exist beyond differences and outlast disagreements. Relationships which don't die in our differences, but rather thrive in the richness they bring.